Strange Games and Strange Players

I've played a lot of games and seen a lot of players, the good, the bad and the ugly. This essay will concentrate on the third group. These are the people that you can find in public servers, playing their first games or even chugging along on their last ones. It is said that a man is defined by his actions and not by his words, and in this case, I truly wonder upon the nature of the opponents that fate has put before me...

The Pure Player
The Pure Player is someone who has played a lot of Gameboy Tetris, or any type of old-school Tetris game. He is convinced that he is the greatest Tetris player in the Galaxy, and that all others must succumb to his supreme technique. The kind of game that he is currently playing (1:1, 2:1, ffa, 1v1, whatever) is unimportant. He will always begin the game by trying to make The Perfect Tetris. The fact that his opponent just cleared a line and got a blockquake does not concern him. If he is disrupted in his god-like activity (someone messes up his field, which is admittedly very tempting to do) he will in most cases accuse the infringant of playing "cheap". The Pure Player can be found having limited success in 6 player ffa games (the others are too busy concentrating on the real players to care about the damn fool stacking himself to death - besides, The Pure Player doesn't know how to use the specials). In 1v1 games, he will invariably lose. 


Favorite Special: None


The Elite Player
The Elite Player is someone who has played the game of TetriNET for a long time. Often he tries to convince others that it is for far longer than what is actually the truth, but nevertheless, he's played it long enough to have made up a private set of rules for the game. If anyone should break these rules, he will be absolutely infuriated and spend the remainder of the session exclusively trying to murder the heretic and not giving a damn about any other field. The problem is, noone except for The Elite Player knows these rules. The rules can be of any kind, and mostly they circle around not being "cheap". Common examples are "block bombs are cheap", "switching in the beginning of the game is cheap" and "Using all the specials on one player is cheap". From there on it can go to the most bizarre conventions, such as "clearing my lines is lame", "making a tetris in the end game is rude", "saving your nukes is lame" etc. The Elite Player does not recognize that the main objective of the game is to win, however, he often gets most annoyed when he does not. He frequently accuses other players of cheating, because he just can't imagine anyone being better or faster than he is. 


Favorite Special: Block Gravity


The Stunt Artist
A subset of The Elite Player, the true Stunt Artist is one who is only concerned with making his playing seem as aesthetically pleasing as possible. In special games, he or she will typically aim not to win but aim to deliver some sort of spectacular attack. Sometimes, this attack is actually effective, other times, it is not. Stunt Artists range in skill from below intermediate to amazing. A good Artist will not look down on other players. The majority of poor Artists will. They hide from great players under the pretense that they are "not playing their best", are "just trying to have fun", et cetera, et cetera. These are the players who in pure games will only look at their ppm and not at their win percentage and who will aim for sweeping the deck instead of just killing their opponents. If actually challenged, they almost invariably decline. They are the masters of making excuses, of complaining about bad luck, of complaining about lag, of complaining about just about anything.
 

Favorite Special: Block Bomb


The Pacifist
The Pacifist is someone who does not enjoy violence. She (for it is most often a she) will take every step necessary not to offend anyone. Many times, she will not use her offensive specials at all. Sometimes, these people can be seen clearing their own specs, but that is rare. Like a squirrel, she will stockpile all the valuable specs she can find and use them in times of dire trouble. An offspring of this species is the "Merciful Samarite", who can be seen helping other players as they are about to die. She will not talk much either during game or in chat, and she will not be noticed by the other players unless she manages to get hold of a load of nukes, in which case she'll prolong the game incessantly and prove to be a complete nuisance. 


Favorite Special: Nuke Field


The Grim Reaper
The Grim Reaper is the reverse image of The Merciful Samarite. He loves violence, however, he can not stand being subjected to it. In multiplayer games, he will stockpile offensive specials, and as soon as he sees a player in deep trouble, he will use them all on him in hope of killing him off before he gets a chance to react. Experienced Reapers will only use as many specials as necessary, and only on players he is certain do no longer possess any offensive capabilities. After killing one player, The Grim Reaper will feel mighty proud of himself, and even if he should lose, he will still be able to say to himself, "yeah, but at least I got that son of a bitch". These players are the ones who used to bully the small children in school and run errands for the big ones. His tactic is designed to let him get away from trouble, however, after a couple of games there will be so many players pissed off at him that his life will become very troublesome indeed. In this case, The Reaper will give some whining comment about everyone attacking only him and then abruptly change servers. 


Favorite Special: Add Line


The Avenger (or The Kamikaze Pilot)
The Avenger is a peaceful man until troubled. In fact, he often proves to be a peaceful man until just before death. He will save all his specials during the game and only use them when absolutely necessary. However, his grudges will continue to mount towards all other players. As he is about to die, he will determine which of his adversaries are most to blame, and unload all his specials on him. If his opponent dies, he will be pleased. Many Kamikazes don't know very much about the use of the specials. This means that they will inadvertently put in a gravity or a nuke in the salvo or maybe throw five quakes, eight random clears and five block bombs at an empty field. Usually, this prompts laughter from the other players. This will make the Kamikaze Pilot very angry. 


Favorite Special: Blockquake


The Police Constable
This player is one who is more interested in looking for evidence of foul play than he is in actually playing. Generally, The Police Constable's agenda can be summarized this way: If you win more than two games in a row, you cheat. If you kill the Constable, you cheat. If you use more than three adds in a row, you cheat. The more extreme variants of The Police Constable will accuse you of cheating if you add more than two lines to all. Ironically, The Police Constable is often cheating himself, and if you happen to win too frequently, he will suddenly transform into Mr. Superman and give you 22 adds before anyone has had the chance to get a special, saying something in the vein of "You had that one coming, BITCH". The Police Constable is a very poor player and will never win unless he cheats, which is why he believes everyone who wins does.  


Favorite Special: Clear Special Blocks


These are but a few of the types, beware! There are more, as of yet unaccounted for.


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